Like Mama, Like Loli -- (Yui's MHCP duties go new heights for Papa)
by Fictioneer
Summary: Yui prescribes unique therapy for a distaught heartbroken Kirito after Asuna walks out on him. This is edgy but clean, but Yui shippers might have problems with it as in SAO Reddit booting it for being too "hot". Enjoy in the site of the free!
1. Chapter 1

I took a reader's dare to jot up on my commute's iPad an edgy but clean tale which Yui shippers might want to pass up, even though this tale is merely about a A.I. creation, not a living being, right SAO Reddit? Thank you Sacred Cow Skewer for the support! Of course I'm open to tweak this ditty by your constructive critiques, so enjoy!

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 ** _Like Mama, Like Loli_**

By Fictioneer

,

Dimly, as brightness outside myself needled my eyelashes to flutter from the depths of empty sleep I felt the first puzzling then exciting brush of silken tendrils rubbing the crusted tears on my cheek.

My mindless heart leapt with long forsaken hope.

Can it be?

'How can it be?' I groggily wondered and wished and rued. 'Dreams are too cruel. Too damn cruel!'

But...

Sluggishly I raised my head from a silky crown cuddled under my arm and by the dawn streaming the log cabin's window I jolted in astonishment and elation at a sheeny head of strawberry-blond tresses.

No!

Can't be!

Asuna!

Feeling me stir, the Undine nymph raised her head and the most beautiful face in all Aincrad smiled up at me, hazel-olive eyes dewily twinkling back.

"Asuna!" I gasped. My palm cupped her velvet cheek. "You're back! Oh thank thee, God!"

She's back!

My life and love!

Came back to her senses and to me!

Back after apparently finally getting over the spell of her suave macho therapist at the SAO hospital where she and 300 others hijacked from SAO's clearing and trapped by the mad Nobuyuki Sugou who I should've killed in that snowy parking lot before moving on to finally meet Asuna Yuuki in the flesh IRL so we could both continue and start anew the bliss we had in Aincrad, but I didn't bargain on a new sly rival who quarantined me from her hospital bedside under the pretense of 'sensitive stress recovery therapy' and like a fool I blindly accepted giving her space to coalescence from a doubly unique ordeal. It tweaks my heart just thinking back that moment when I received her 'Dear John' text message - a text! - from some retreat in Okinawa with her awesome Romeo Dr. Osato who 'was a Man, not a Boy', and what she had with me was just some psychobabble comfort escape from Aincrad's ever looming cloud of death and hopelessness.

My appall and dismay chalked it down that the bastard was manipulating her scarred feelings and I was going to duel this one out, but my last desperate cell call to her ground my heart to powder and threw me into a foggy daze of despair that locked me in my bedroom then a retreat beyond that deep the Undine woods where my dulled automatonic persona bought a cabin almost identical the one we had in long gone Aincrad where I could suffer alone all night long.

But now she's back!

My wife and love!

I don't know how Asuna found her way to slip inside my remote dark cabin next beside me last night, and it says something that I was so far gone in a delirium of weeping and misery that not only didn't I care but that was such a daze that I only faintly recall her slim arms burying my sobs in her bosom except for an odd fringe wonder why it wasn't full and plump as I always known it and that her warm slim form huddling against me felt dramatically smaller somehow, but that obvious delusion dissolved in the dark as Asuna and I fused and tangled above and beyond any togetherness we'd ever known, and now, in the crystal clarity of a bright chirping morning we back together!

Asuna!

My in-game wife and lover and quest mate.

No need for contrition, Asuna! All is forgiven, Asuna. You don't need to say anything. No reconciliation needed. Don't apologize!

Let's not look back as we continue forward with our lives!...

"As - As -Asuna..." I nearly stammered with relief and thanks, stroking those creamy cheeks and drinking the shimmering beam in those eyes. "There is a God, Asuna!"

"Are you feeling better now, papa?"

Huh?

My head snapped up and glanced around for a pixie fairy.

"Yui, the hell you doing here?" I snapped at the empty rafters. I didn't mean to sound irritated but this was a wrong time to accommodate a three-some. Like I need a Disneyland mascot crashing such a tremendous tender reunion! I waited too long for this special private moment.

"Yui, no hiding games, damnit!"

"I'm right here, papa!" piped that nymphet voice so close I could almost feel its breath and quizzically I instinctively followed its emission to Asuna's beaming face and naturally glanced around its fluffy strawberry tresses for some tiny impish grin and failing.

"Stop hiding , Yui!"

"I'm not hiding, papa!" I heard a pixie voice blending Asuma's moving luscious coral lips.

I blinked aback.

What the -?

What is this? Lipsync hour?

"Yui - come out!" I blurted with an eerie tinge of apprehension. Looking puzzled but eager, Asuna started wiggling out out of our sheets, twin plump creamy peaches popping over the edge.

"Where you going, Asuna?"

"Coming out, like you asked, papa."

"Wait, wait, is this - this some kind of joke 'tween you two?" I gushed to her puzzled blink.

"I'm not joking, papa."

"Asuna - why's - why's Yui's voice coming from your lips?" I nearly stammered in denial and alarm as Asuna/Yui's eyes widened in sheepish realization and her slim hands covered her lips.

"Sorry papa! I'm still trying to assimilate and interpret so much unique stimuli from overnight that I overlooked mama's aesthetic avatar aspect!" She cleared her throat and smiled.

"Is this vocal rendition satisfactory, papa?" Asunai aptly voiced for her appearance.

My jaw dropped and my violently shaking head nearly wrung itself off my shoulders as I stammered -

"Wha - Wha - Wha -"

Yui?

No way!

"It is me, papa. I simply availed mama's avatar render database."

"'Simply'?" I gushed in a cold stun.

Asuna's really - really -

Yui?!

Our adopted a.i. 'daughter'?

Be damned!

I haven't seen her for months - at least her real form or any one she chooses.

But Asuna - down to the last hair follicle?

And far more?

I barked in appall and consternation. "Yui! Wh - What - What the hell you - you doing?"

"I took mama's form to help assuage your nearly suicidal grief, papa."

"'Assuage'?" I blurted in a torrent of appall and alarm and astonishment.

Sweet Jesus, she's gotta be pulling my leg!

I spent all night in torrid healing embrace and everthing else with - with -?!

"Damn Yui! You just call - call what happened 'assuage? Posing as Asuna here all night with me? Yui, what the bloody hell made you - you - do such a thing?"

Asuna/Yui's face looked almost like a cute pout. "I don't understand your distress, papa. At the Lily of the Valley Pavilion Inn you allowed me to sleep with you, remember?"

"Uh? Uh yea - but that was a totally different situation! Just a - a daughterly cuddle!"

"Oh. Then it is appropriately fatherly for your genitalia to poke me through the sheets in that case?"

I coughed and sputtered. "Wh - Wh - What the -? Where'd the hell you get that from?"

"Because it happened, papa. All night too."

My face went boiling red. "I did?"

"I cannot lie, papa."

And she can't.

Freak!

I wildly gathered my wits and senses. "Yui - I - I didn't I didn't mean it! I mean - if I - I did something like that it was totally unconscious and - and instinctive!"

"I comprehend. In your alpha sleep state it was an involuntary libidinal arousal to my tactical pressure."

"Uh, yea, something like that. Uh, all that happened then was you - felt me - er, 'poke' you, right?"

"Yes papa."

Keep talking clinical like that As - Yui. It keeps this from blowing my mind.

"Uh, er - look, just remember that - that I don't think of you like that wide awake, okay?"

"Okay, papa."

"And - Christ, that - that goes the same for - for whatever happened last night, understand?"

"Understand papa."

Thank God she has no ego or at least one that mimicks how the slighted female mind works.

But reflecting back, I can't cough at how so exactly Asuma she was last night 'curing' me...

"Er, just how'd you find your out way here, Yui?"

"I locked on Cardinal's gamer log-in identifier-locator ever since the last time I saw you was after you defeated Oberon, papa. You didn't come back."

"Uh, I - I was too busy taking care of mama in the real world, Yui," I tactfully lied, wondering whether she could sense I was. Last thing I want to do is to confuse her delicate human comprehending algorithms with inscrutable human psychology.

"Mama's - being cared for by a special counsellor who needs total privacy for a long time, Yui," I managed to white lie by without gnashing teeth. "So it'll be a long while before she's back."

Right.

If ever.

Asuna/Yui's face fell. "Oh... Poor mama. Human psyscholoigy is so fragile."

"Uh, yea, I second that, Yui."

"So you appreciate that I helped raise your spirits last night, papa?"

I felt a hot blush.

My saving grace from total humilation is that Yui perceived last night from a nonjudgmental dispassionate objective perspective.

In other words you can't be humilated by a bunch of computer code. Or shouldn't be.

Thank god.

"Uh, yes - but I wouldn't say that was the best prescribed remedy..." I demurred to Asuna/Yui's drooped face.

"So I shouldn't have helped, papa?"

"No - I mean, I mean - I'm grateful that you wanted to help me out of a deep funk like that. It's just you - you went overboard doing it, that's all. I know you weren't being naughty, just - but you're still a good girl."

"Thank you, papa," Asuna/Yui said with a slightly bewildered expression that sighed. "Though it's still perplexing to me, my dynamic interplay last night with papa was a highly educational bonding experience."

"What 'bonding'? Yui! That - that was never ever supposed to happened between us! I'm your father!"

"My human affairs database cites a vast multitude of such cases worldwide involving assorted carnal congresses among parental -"

"Stop! Forget all that! That's all - abnormal well as illegal!"

"I comprehend. However in applying that theme you no longer feel suicidally despondent, do you papa?"

"No, just suicidally chagrined!" I snorted, unsure how to respond or to deal with Asuna - this clone of Asuna wearing Yui's girlish visage. Devoid of libido and deviousness, Yui was sincerely trying to help me out of the pits without malicious intent or slyness so I have to cut her some slack. For once I have to take her as the calculating machine she is at her core, not the perfectly human emulating pseudo-entity her cute and appealing effect was. Still, in Asuna's form before me like this, it was hard to divorce her apparent humanity from her coldly analytic truth.

"Papa, would it help boost your emotional state if I rate your high performance?"

"'Performance?"

"Yes, papa. Your sexual ministration and behavioral responses last night is in the ninety-percentile of Aincrad inhabitants. You should be proud, papa!"

Be damned -!

"Yui, I'm sooo glad that's only coming from Asuna's lips!" I wryly quipped, trying surpress a twisted smugness. "Uh, just how the hell did you come up with that?"

"Such sexual data is included in my mental health monitoring database from the surreptitious monitoring of Aincrad pairings, male-female and male-male, beast and male -"

"Wait - wait - wait a moment! Your program covers all that?"

"Perfection strives to be complete and thorough, papa."

"Needn't be so proud about that here!" I muttered aside and shrugged off any response as an uncomfortable realization dawned; "Uh, Yui...were you always - spying that way on us too, on papa and mama?"

"One spies on enemies, papa. You're not enemy. I was simply monitoring and observing intimate human relationships as I always do. I'm a mental health counselling program after all."

"I know that, but - but why didn't tell us you were always lurking around watching us even in private?"

"Papa never asked."

Great! Like I had a reason to! Bad oversight.

"I surmise that you are wondering how I rendered mama's behavior so effectively for you, papa."

I blushed.

Be damned! Is that a tinge of pride in her voice?

"You - 'watch' us that closely, Yui?"

"Of course, papa. It's my base purpose. From the very beginning we met I've studied and archived mama's every inflection and reflex and vital sign which can also be availed for impeccable emulation."

Sweet Jesus!

Is that why Asuna - this girl-woman clone here - felt exactly like Asuna last night in every sublte way that greased any doubts of her reality here? So much so that I never questioned whether it was a sly impostor?

"So was my fidelity rendering mama's effect satisfactory, papa?"

Damn, she really does sound proud putting one over me!

"'Satisfactory'? Geese Yui, your innocence sometimes stings like a whip!"

"I'm sorry, papa."

No -

I don't want to see Asuna sad - even a perfect impostor...

"No, no, don't look sad Asuna - er, Yui. You meant good and - and I was impressed last night. Very impressed, okay?"

What else can I say? I don't want the Yui who evolves into a sentient being in the future to look back at this moment and think I was a cold thankless bastard when she had no real mind or soul. That's the real reason I treat her like a human being now - just for the regard of her future self and person.

Asuna/Yui brightened with a girlish beam. "I'm pleased to hear I was so thorough, papa."

"Just - don't mention any of this to anyone, okay? I can't even wrap my own arms around this yet!"

"I shall keep this episode confidential, papa," Asuna/Yui said with a smile then suddenly glowed a pulsing glow that popped into a million tiny sparkles that instantly coalesced into a far smaller mass and materialized into a petite nymphette in a white dress draped with knee-deep shiny raven tresses that flowed around a cherbub face that for a moment tweaked my heart before her cuddle against me blasted a flag.

Shit!

I cringed back and Yui pouted. "What's wrong, papa? Does my original form displease you now?"

"Uh? What? Er, no - no - no - I mean, er - yes, go turn back! Turn back! Now!" I shied my eyes.

"But you're cured, papa."

"I'll have one royal relapse if you look normal again!"

Confused looking Yui burst into sparkles that reformed back into Asuna/Yui. "I don't understand, papa. It didn't matter last night."

"Well that's because - wait." I stiffened in dismay. "Yui - just what do you mean 'didn't matter'?"

"That I was in my orginal form before I assumed mama's effect to better effect an appropriate remedy for your -"

"Wait! Are you saying that I - we - like you really are? Shit!"

I must've been bombed totally out of my skull to've missed something like that - but then things did feel queer at the beginning when I Asuna slipped in by my sobbing side...

"I'm sorry I displeased, papa," Asuna'Yui softly said with confused contrition. I had to shake it off and smile.

"I - didn't mean to scold you, Yui, but - a proper papa never ever sleeps with his daughter. Check your morals database."

"I concur, papa."

"Good girl. Just want you to know that it's not personal, just - cultural, okay?"

"Morality is a difficult concept but I understand, papa."

"Good girl."

'Good girl' to this very female woman next to me!

Unreal.

"But I have been successful at salvaging your malaise and despondency, papa?"

"Well, let's just say you've definitely derailed despair - at least for the time being. You make a pretty placebo like that."

"I am pleased. I was very concerned that I might not emulate mama emotionally as well as physically too."

"Wait, you mean you can emulate your - Asuna's - actual feelings too?"

"With ninety-two percent accuracy, papa."

I blinked in awe. "You mean you can behave and respond just like Asuna over ninety-percent?"

"I am a psychological diagnostics as well as monitoring program, papa. I observe very closely, papa."

Damn, you sure have, honey!

"Er, Yui, what happened last night is gradually coming more clear to me now, and I think we - Asuna you - made small talk 'tween my tears and duldrums, and a lot of that you just couldn't have faked, right?"

"Correct papa. In order to more precisely address your pine for mama, I availed her hospital records and from tapped all academic and social sources and traced any e-mail mentions of her online."

"Even personal ones?"

"Yes. I found access."

"You mean you hacked."

"The compiled information I gathered enabled me to extrapolate how mama reacts to things and events with eighty-eight percent fidelity."

"Wait a moment! You mean you can even emulate how Asuna actually thinks?"

"Only within eighty-eighty percent cognitive fidelity, papa."

"Still, that's negligible since we're rarely even ninety-percent of ourselves in public! Awesome!"

"I disabled that precision when you fell asleep, papa."

"Well, turn it back on. All the way. I wanna see!"

Asuna/Yui suddenly looked reluctant. "Papa, I should caution you that though I can monitor it, my own input is overridden in total persona emulation mode."

"Well, that's even better if it's that accurate! Go head!"

"Very well, papa," 'Asuna/Yui' said, briefly shutting feathery eyelashes which batted open on a suddenly changed far more familiar maturer face regarding me.

"Kiriti-kun?" she softly voiced like a dazed waif.

I blinked aback. It was as though the very texture of the atmosphere had changed.

"Asuna?" I asked with a pounding bated breath. She edged out a nervous smile then glimpsed around as though lost.

"Kirito-kun, what did you do to our cabin? It's not the same cabin, is it?"

Wow!

What a difference of persona! Before, she was Yui cosplaying Asuna, but now it's the real deal!

My beloved Asuna - back in voice and mind!

"Cabin? Oh, uh, well, it's not exactly the same one..." I said, her dewy eyes soulfully looking at mine.

"What's wrong, Kirito-kun?" Asuna asked, her slim hands taking mine. "Is something wrong, Kirito-kun?"

A lump welled my throat.

This is the endearing creature who just dumped me days ago? Whom I fought with, strolled with, madly loved with?...

Like staring deja-vu in the face.

"Wrong? Uh, no, it's just that - uh, see we're not - not, sorry, I - I don't know how to explain this -"

"But you're scaring me, Kirito-kun. It feels like you're holding back something too important."

"No I'm not, Asuna, really. Trust me. It's just that - that - "

No!

I can't handle this!

"Yui, break!" I ruefully cried. "Yui, break! Break!"

Asuna's momentarily puzzled look dissolved back into a childish visage.

"I'm online, papa!"

I nearly fell back in a sweat.

Holy emma-lation!

"Sweet Geesus! That was - totally real! Totally Asuna! Yui! Did you - was that - was that a playback of something once Asuna did?"

"No, papa. A dynamic persona emulation avails a diary database to extrapolate the responses and thought trains of the subject."

"You mean you recreated her thoughts on the fly, no recording? That's how Asuna would've actually acted had she suddenly wakened up beside me?"

"Within eighty-eight percent cognitive fidelity, papa."

"Freak, might as well be five hundred by the way she came on like that!"

Totally unreal!

This was beyond Asuna's twin or clone! Beyond just looks. It's almost - no, exactly like Asuna being here fresh from go!

Exactly.

I looked back at Asuna/Yui's hazel-olive eyes and wildly wondered.

No...

That'd be crazy!

But the illusion's just too delicious, too tantilizingly tactile!..

They say if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck -

"Uh, er, Yui...no one else here in ALO knows about what happened between your mom and I, right?"

"I confided no one, papa."

"I see..."

And I sure as hell never told Liz or Klein about our breakup...and Asuna'a Dear John made it clear she's dumped not only me but doing quests. For all intents and purposes she's now MIA here unless...

Unless...

That's crazy!

But why not?

Eighty-eight percent fidelity is hell'va way better than zero and lonely, plus no one else need ever know. Plus, we're not talking about corrupting any life-form, and only being with her Asuna mode hardly makes me a perv long as Yui doesn't revert her original self...

And God knows last night's performance rated five stars even through by my muddled cloud of misery.

Awesome!

And imagine my strutting Asuna around ALO in daylight wide-wake!...

A lost dream salvaged in spades!

"Er, Yui. I'm just curious, but - has your programming ever included an Electra Complex?"

"In order to better relate to human behavior as a MHCP, I've been installed a fascmile, papa."

"Er, very interesting..."

Yes, that should grease any morality flags that I'm pouncing any lamb, even if it's only really a complex knot of computer code!

Like, automation's here to serve man, guy!

I quietly licked my muted smile. "Er, Yui...till mama comes around, would you like to persona mode her in ALO to help daddy feel better?"

Asuna/Yui's face lit up like a girl at Disneyland, cuddling up. "I'd be happy to help papa with all my heart, papa!"

FIN1


	2. Chapter 2

**GETTING TONS OF E-MAIL FAVORITES AND FOLLOWING STORIES IS WELL AND GOOD BUT IT'S** **REVIEWS** **and** **COMMENTS** **THAT CREATE CONTINUED CHAPTERS AND SEQUELS!**

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 **Hopefully you understand the reasons why.**

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